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Echoes of a Shattered Life
Can resilience exist in a shattered life? You know, I kept on talking about empowerment and stuff, but whom am I kidding really, when my own life is havoc? I used to think that anything is possible in this life. And it does look like, on the surface. I have a Bachelor in Interpreting and… Continue reading
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One day
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech? I played at school theatre a lot and gave speeches and everything, but it’s hard to remain confident when you have to prove everyday that you are worth it. I used to dream to become an actress and this was my first choice for a… Continue reading
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How Art Helps Me Navigate Bipolar: A Personal Reflection
What is your relationship with ‘madness’? Do you agree with the strictly bio-medical approach to madness, or believe that there might be something else to it? I have been struggling with identifying myself as bipolar, and instead, focused on art as a tool to help me to cope with overwhelming stigma. I write in my… Continue reading
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Loving myself is giving me power
I am here to reclaim my personal power. You see, I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I am originally from Russia. I am a single mother. I am being silenced every single day. But I have dreams. I want to become a published writer. I wrote three books. I want to raise a good man,… Continue reading
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The Scream
Let’s have a look at another painting in relation to ‘madness’ by Edvard Munch, named ‘’The Scream’’. There are a lot of interpretations of this painting, including the one that accuses the painter of drawing ‘anxiety’. I disagree (anxiety was just one aspect of his ordeal). Munch drew this panting after his sister had been… Continue reading
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Mental Asylum
On the painting called La Salpêtrière (1795), Tony Robert-Fleury depicts how ‘madness’ was dealt with during the age of enlightenment. The ‘mad elements’ of the society were institutionalized in asylums, together with criminals. If you had nothing better to do on a Sunday, you could go to the asylum and watch the ‘mad’ for a… Continue reading
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What is Happiness?
What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness? Happiness, the concept of it, has been imposed on us, here in the West, as some sort of a guru mantra that could solve all our problems. In reality, however, it is pretty much impossible. We can get these glimpses of occasional happiness, but they are… Continue reading
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I started to trust my psychiatrist. I had to.
Describe one positive change you have made in your life. When one has a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, and totally unexpected, the natural reaction of any person would be a negation of it. And in all honesty, I am still not sure it applies to me (my diagnosis), but one thing I did learn during… Continue reading
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One bipolar morning everyday
What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like? Those who know me, know that I am an early riser. I wake up at 5.30/6 to the singing of the blackbirds, and try to enjoy the moment for some time before getting up and going downstairs. My cat is… Continue reading
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Psychosis: Before and After
Prior to my first ‘psychosis’ and my first psychiatric hospital in a small Dutch town called Purmerend, I was leading quite a successful life, according to the society’s standards. I somehow managed to get a job as a financial analyst of banks (and later, as a portfolio manager) in a Dutch consultancy without any diploma… Continue reading
About Me
I am a doctor of philosophy, a university lecturer, and a lover of cats, fine wine, dancing, theatre, and human eccentricity. I was born in the Soviet Union (Moscow). I am fluent in four languages, and have spent all my adult life studying (except from 18 to 19) working and living throughout Western Europe. Despite a surname-Netchitailova- that translates from Russian into English as “unreadable”, my greatest passions in life are reading and writing. My personal struggles have made me appreciate the manifestations of weirdness that exist everywhere.