In my first psychiatric hospital (twenty years ago) in Purmerend, a small Dutch town, there were cameras everywhere, including in each patient’s room. When I noticed this phenomenon I wondered whether by some accident I had ended up in an episode of Big Brother, with a question -what to do about it? I had to prepare accordingly for such an event and when Lena, my best friend in Amsterdam asked me what to bring to the hospital, I kindly requested my best dresses and shoes. If I was about to spend time in some reality TV psychiatric nightmare, I was planning to do it in style. Therefore, for my second dinner, I appeared at the table (staff members and the patients would sit at the same large table to eat) fully dressed. I was wearing a black dress and red shoes, complimented by red lipstick. I remember a strange glance at me on the part of one of the nurses, Jan, but I ignored him, because I wasn’t the only one weird there. There was also a young woman with a tee-shirt, with the inscription ‘Fuck the Psychiatry’ on it, and a guy, wearing his pajamas. It was all surreal to me, as I had no idea what I was doing in the ‘hospital’ in the first place. Was I driven there in my function as ‘Buddha’ or was it just an accident? I felt light and awakened, and even the reassurance of the doctor I had seen in the morning that I was psychotic, didn’t ruin my otherwise excellent mood. I was healed from my stomach pain, and I felt so happy, as if my inner joy returned and for good. Once at the table, I saw that the food was good: some meat with vegetables and potatoes, and asked about when wine would be served. Somewhere from the remains of my brain, I could remember that in Big Brother, the participants would get occasional treats. The nurse chuckled at my request but, nevertheless replied:
“This is a hospital, we don’t have wine.”
Okay, I thought. I looked around. There were two nurses at the table, and three patients.
“I understand about the patients, but what about the staff members?’’ One of the nurses stared at me for a long time, before replying: “You are also the patient.”
Hey??? Was I? I had a good look around. It did look like a hospital (apart from cameras everywhere), and I had seen a doctor in the morning. Was there a suspicion that something was wrong with me???
to be continued…
(first published on X platform)
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