Anna, a 108-year-old Russian vampire, is sectioned in a Sheffield psych ward.
Some of you asked me on X what happened in Leeuwarden, and how come I am in a psychiatric hospital in Sheffield, trying to protect my ring?
Let me tell you.
I came to Sheffield for a conference: “Folklore in sociological studies”. The theme of my PhD, I must admit, is indeed very unusual, but I was still shocked about the reaction of people.
There is nothing strange in the topic of “Vampire bots on X, and epistemology”, but I didn’t expect a crowd of people to come for my presentation. I also presented it quite modestly, nothing shocking or inappropriate.
“Hello, my name is Anna Slabodsky, and I am a vampire. 108 years old (or 109), I am not sure,” and, fair enough, some started laughing, but I continued in a way that would calm the whole auditorium down. I mean, how is one supposed to present when the public makes noise?
“You, and you,” I pointed to specific people in the back of the auditorium. “Stay calm or I will drink your blood at the end of my presentation,” and while everyone fell silent, it wasn’t the silence I was looking for. I could see that most of the auditorium was in a state of shock.
And therefore, I added:
“I don’t drink any human blood, unless I am truly starving and there are no other alternatives. The food you offered for lunch was horrible though. Sandwiches and a packet of crisps?”
Last time I was in the UK, it was high tea, with interesting food one could enjoy, instead of vomiting from it, like I did today.
“So, yes, I am hungry, but I won’t harm any of you.”
I clicked on the next slide, but suddenly a whole security team came in and asked me to follow them.
I didn’t expect that. In the Netherlands, where I permanently reside in Leeuwarden, they all think I am normal. Maybe a bit eccentric, but they don’t try to catch me or arrest me, there is no need.
And therefore, I didn’t resist the security, or what appeared to be some doctors with nurses, and the last thing I remember before passing out from their injections was a question:
“Do you have ties with Russia?”
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