It was at the age of nineteen that I left my beloved Russia to go and study in Brussels. I had a big family trauma and my move was out of desperation, more than anything else. The opportunity to escape was there, and being so naïve, I took it.
In retrospect, I am not sure whether it was a right decision.
I ended up living across three different countries, besides Russia. I lived in my beloved Belgium for six years, my cherished England for eleven years, and my safe haven – The Netherlands.
As a result, I miss all the countries where I lived. It’s very painful. I miss the ‘joie de vivre’ of Belgian people, I miss the sense of humor and rich culture of Britain, I miss Amsterdam for its incredible beauty and tolerance for different walks of life.
But most of all, I miss Russia. Nothing can replace the cosines of a country where you are born. Wars are raging, but the cry of the soul is still there. It cries for its rich culture, the incredible language, the people, and churches.
I once had a dream when I had moved back to Brussels from Amsterdam, and in my dream I was standing next to the cathedral of Saint Basil at the Kremlin, and I was standing crying. I woke up in tears, knowing that my dream had its significance. It was a sign from God.
Wars are raging and everyone takes sides, where hating each other has become normal.
But people everywhere are all the same. We all want the same thing: a roof, food, friends and community and waking every day in peace. Something that as a humanity, we started to take for granted.
Yes, I miss Russia, I will always do. It’s an incredible country that gave me so much: an excellent education, friends for life, and the outlook at life where you sincerely believe that anything is possible, regardless of your class, race, religion, or walk of life.
I pray everyday that wars will stop, and that we all become friends like in the old times, when Peter the Great built a new town, based on what he had seen in the Netherlands, and when we would exchange letters in French with each other.
Russia, Belgium, The United Kingdom, The Netherlands – my love is so deep for each of them, and I really don’t understand that there is such a division between the West and the rest of the world.
Where is home when you love both?
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